"I have always felt awkward in my own body, like I was born into skin built one size too small for my frame. The embarrassment that flourished along with my hips and breasts during puberty has stayed with me into adulthood, and I have never felt comfortable carrying myself with the dignity that a sexual, sensual woman should. Part of me has always felt that, regardless of the years gone by and the changes to my physical appearance, I’ll always be the same scabby-kneed, graceless 12-year-old girl on the inside. It became a conscious battle for me to try and not nit-pick at the things I didn’t like about myself when looking in the mirror: the curve of my nose and my belly, my skinny calves and crooked hands. In today’s world I think it’s a battle that every woman faces, at least a little bit, and as a result I decided that it was time to try and change my perspective.

I was honest with Demetrius when I wrote to him that I wanted to model, saying that I wanted to fall in love with my body, and see myself from someone else’s perspective, because my own was getting a little bit rough. Some might argue that nude modeling is an extreme way to force this change, and I would agree, but I think that sometimes the extreme is necessary. I knew that I couldn’t tip-toe tentatively into the unknown and survive. In order to truly embrace a new perspective, I needed to be shoved out of my comfort zone. I wanted to challenge not only the shame I always felt had overshadowed my sexuality, but also my own limits and definitions of beauty, confidence, and comfort. Taking off my clothes would be like ripping off a band-aid, a blind leap of faith and a test of my strength. As someone who used to always feel shy about being nude, I thought, “if I can get naked in front of a camera behind closed doors, just imagine what I can do in the outside world when I have my clothes on.”

I indeed came out on the other end feeling more empowered and at peace with myself, leaving behind a declaration of my sexuality as a challenge for both the world–and myself–to get comfortable with. This challenge to grow comfortable has proven to be constant, but after my experience with Demetrius I am much less in my own head about my imperfections and much more aware of my sensuality and prowess. Some of these images make me feel powerful, and some make me blush, leaving me feeling more alive within my own body, and finally like I am starting to grow into my own skin."

~ Maria